How to Judge People Based On: Their Neighborhoods!

When meeting new people, whether for friendly or romantic intentions, it's important to remember that where we come from has influence on how we act. Although New York City, especially Brooklyn, is full of ex-patriots from other states and countries, their neighborhood of choice does say a lot about them, their sensibilities, their likes and disslikes, whether they are a douche bag or an asshole. This guide should help provide guidance when striking up a relationship with someone new. Don't forget, these are all gross over-generalizations. And also, they are true.

Bedford-Stuyvesant ("Bed-Stuy"):

Bed-Stuy became one of the most Afro-centric neighborhoods in Brooklyn in the '50s and '60s when the cost of living became too expensive in Harlem. It is now slowly being transformed into the next battle ground for Brooklyn gentrification. Although you still won't find too many posh boutiques or swanky restaurants, you will see a lot of something you might not have 10 years ago: young white people. Because of its vicinity to the Pratt Institute, it has become a low-rent haven for Pratt students looking to get a nice apartment for cheap, and who want to earn a little street cred. Most of them end up getting mugged in the process. When you meet someone from Bed-Stuy who isn't born or bred, remember this: they probably think they're a lot cooler than they actually are.

Williamsburg:

The neighborhood of Williamsburg has become infamous in New York City as being a Mecca of the newest annoying thing white people are doing: being hipsters. You will probably meet two types of people from Williamsburg. The first being the actual hipster, living in a dimly lit railroad apartment that their parents pay for, while they work in an organic shoe store for booze money. These people should be avoided at all cost, which shouldn't be hard because there are only three reasons a hipster from Williamsburg will maintain any sort of interaction with you:

1. You also live in Williamsburg
2. You have foreign cigarettes (preferably French) to bum to them
3. You are foreign (preferably French)

Every once in a while you might run into the other unfortunate souls who inhabit Williamsburg, those who were duped into living there by "friends" or real estate agents. These people are very upset that they signed a year long lease to live in a neighborhood where it is acceptable to wear sheer leggings and an over-sized t-shirt as an outfit. You should comfort them and perhaps suggest that they live in a more acceptable neighborhood.

Fort Greene/Clinton Hill:

When being introduced to someone from the very up and coming Fort Greene/Clinton Hill neighborhood be advised: they do have a baby. People love Fort Greene/Clinton Hill because it's like Diet Park Slope, a lot of the same taste without the painful cost of living. Although you will find a few yuppies (one too many cafes where you pay $10 for a sandwich and a handful of mixed greens), the people are generally nice and well meaning. You won't find too many younger people here, even though the Pratt Institute is in the neighborhood, see Bedford-Stuyvesant ("Bed-stuy").

Prospect Heights:

People who live in Prospect Heights are boastful people. It is a little known neighborhood that enjoys the perks of being close to the Brooklyn Museum, the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens, and Prospect Park, while not paying an arm and a leg for rent. When meeting someone from Prospect Heights, realize that they have just discovered something magical, so forgive them if they sound a little show-offish. Also, a special note on women: most women who live in Prospect Heights are lesbians.

Park Slope:

If you follow the credo of Samuel Fuckett, you probably won't be meeting anyone from Park Slope any time soon.

South Brooklyn:

South Brooklyn is mostly residential and boasts some of the cheapest rent in the Borough. Beside Hispanic and Russian families, the neighborhoods also play home to a lot of sensible Manhattan commuters looking to save on rent. People who live in South Brooklyn are usually business people with little interest in going to bars/nightclubs (or else they would live by them). Just make sure you are able to discern whether that makes them a fresh breath of air in this culture obsessed with getting drunk and making mistakes, or just plain dull, before you get to know them too well.

Bushwick/East Williamsburg:

See: Williamsburg